For the week of: Monday, February 12th 2007

"Sparkles, the Hampster"

It’s true, let’s face it. Sometimes we need a story from someone else’s life to remind us that the craziness doesn’t just happen in our own lives. Life with children has its own built-in craziness factor. Here’s one of our family’s favorites.

When our middle son, Brian, was a little guy, he was enchanted by holidays. If there was a celebration to be had, he wanted to be a part of it. He delighted in getting out the Christmas ornaments, helping to select the Frasier Fir, decorating the house, writing notes to Santa, singing Christmas carols, he was all over Christmas!  One year he color-coded his Christmas wish list with priority status, price and location. 

The time came when we realized that he was about to enter his last Christmas as a “Santa believer”. I wanted it to be an extra special Christmas for this precious little boy of our heart. So I listened for weeks trying to determine what he wanted most under the tree on Christmas morning. 

A hamster, the child wanted a hamster.

Now I love animals. The zoo is just about my favorite place to go. And we had our share of the domestic animals – dog, cats, fish, hermit crabs – but had not crossed the line to what I refer to as varmints. Hamsters clearly fall into the varmint category.

But if the child wanted a hamster, far be it from me not to adapt to co-habitation with a varmint. It’s just a little furry ball of flesh that scurries around in a cage. How obnoxious could that be, right?

So, two weeks before Christmas I made a visit to the local pet store where the nice lady at the counter was happy to show me to the varmint section of the store. Heavens, how could I have known they have shelves and shelves and drawers and drawers of items to house, care for and nurture a varmint? Quite a lucrative business this varmint care stuff.

I peered into a cage of four cute little female hamsters, making sure the nice pet store lady clearly understood that I was not interested in any female hamster that had “been with” a male hamster. She assured me no such shenanigans had taken place. (That’s a rather important piece of the story to remember, by the way.)

I chose a light brown girl with a cute little wisp of white fur around her nose. She would be perfect for our boy and I’d have two weeks to get used to the idea…..I thought. 

When I told her I’d be glad to pay for the hamster now and return on Christmas Eve to pick it up, the nice pet store lady sweetly informed me that I would need to take the little fur ball now; they could not “hold” purchases.

Hadn’t planned on that. But I kept envisioning Brian’s delight on Christmas morning when he unwrapped (hmmm, had to figure out how to wrap the thing, too) the gift of his dreams. So I purchased the deluxe model varmint cage with all of the connecting tubes and places for the little darling to nest and sleep in peaceful slumber and headed home with a carol on my lips and joy in my momma heart.

The only place to hide her was in my walk-in closet. So I cleared off a shelf, Rick assembled the cage (which actually resembled more of a hamster village rather than a place for one furry little girl hamster) and we went to bed knowing we were going to be rewarded with a mile wide smile from our Brian in just two weeks.

Every morning I faithfully checked on our little fur ball, making sure her environment was clean, her food dish filled and fresh water available. This was a breeze, certainly easier than cats whose litter boxes had to be changed and whose fur had to be vacuumed off the furniture. Definitely easier than the hassle of potty-training a dog. I had nailed this Christmas present…kudos to Mom!

On about day 4 (10 days ‘til Christmas morn), I got out of bed at the customary time and padded into the closet to check on our newest family member. “When what to my wondering eyes did appear”…eight little hairless, squirming, pink bodies all crowded around THE VARMINT. What in the world?

I hoofed it back to the bedroom, woke my still snoozing hubby and whispered, “Rick, something’s in the cage with the hamster.” Without bothering to roll over, he mumbled, “What could be in the cage with the hamster?”  In great detail, I recounted what I had just seen with my very own eyes. Still undisturbed by my discovery he calmly said, “Well honey, she’s had babies.” 

You know how you mean to whisper but the urgency in your voice makes it come out more like a hiss than a whisper? That’s what came out when I said, “But she can’t have babies; she’s never “been with” another hamster.’

I remember this next line like it happened this morning. He rolled over and up onto one elbow, looked at me (well, kind of squinted) and replied, “Obviously she has.”

What in the world was I going to do with a grand total of nine varmints? I had talked myself into one, never meant to start a colony of the things. 

Not to worry. Next morning when I checked on the new family, there were only 6 babies in view. I opened the cage, checked under all the wood chips, checked under the momma (floozy), and repeated the previous morning’s Q & A with Rick…

“Honey, there are two babies missing. I’ve looked all over the cage and I can’t find them. 

“She ate them.”

“She WHAT?” (Please read with great volume and inflection.) “How can a mother EAT her babies?”

My very left-brained, logical husband tried his best to make it sound as natural as the sun setting in the west but all I could envision was this giant hairball of a varmint with her beaver like fangs tearing into her babies. Oh goodness, I was mortified.

The rest of the story could pretty well be summed up as saying I spent the remainder of the days before Christmas cleaning out hamster pee and poo-poo from every nook and cranny of that tube-filled cage. Brian was, I must say, delighted with his new pet, named her Sparkles and as soon as the babies were weaned from their sadistic mother, the nice pet store lady bought them all back from Brian for $2 each.  

Oh mommas, these are the stories of our lives and as aggravating as they are at the time, they make for great memories later! I hope your week is filled with some warm and wonderful memories of your precious little ones. I’d love to hear about them!

Lovingly,

Kay

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